Lost

In the deepest of my pits again, i've just rolled deep in mud and stench;
Guilt of what i have done makes me as miserable as possible. i don't know, it as if whenever i roll, my concieousness asks me what i have i done? rather than reap the joy of what i have done.
One day my sister and i were watching T.V and she saw a musician on screen singing and holding a baby while singing; What is that pervert doing with a baby? i was angry with her, i can't remember how i started the statement but i remember what i said next, he is a human, and human makes us capable of doing and being anybody even him. Many won't admit that.
Fear of what my human, fleshy appertite wants is feeding it, at some points it tells me i can't come out of being in the dark.
The bible tells us to live by faith. The just shall live by faith; I wish there was someone i could talk to about this issue, someone who has gone through what i am going through, least my darkness over takes me again and again crushing
what ever hope there is left.
Today, it rained, and i am leaving my soul to be washed again by a bigger rain, i fear i will soon be white washed because this is not the first time am being washed and i want to stay clean.