The Cold water effect

I have a theory, i call it the cold water effect, similar to when cold water is unexpectedly poured on one's body, it gives an unexpected shock, then comes a shake and then that somebody tries to adapt to the situation, or better still adjust the tap to give warm water.
This is one such momemt in my life............
About when i was 16 years of age, i got my first real glimpse of porn, at first it was disgusting, i never looked back at it, it did not make sense, i had no desire for women, or there body, but i was not ignorant, i wanted to know, and that was how it all began.
My so called curiousity was fueled again by a quiet affair i had it was not intimate, still it fueled my curiousity, and made me more and more hungry.
I got busted by my mom, she was furious, she knew i did not know what i was doing, she told me i would regret it, a warning that has forever haunted me, she confiscated a book she saw (it was not mine, it belonged to someone close to me), but the fire was already burning at full swing, the media around me promoted sex, all around in music, movies and pictures, and yet people said little about it.
Ironically even when i gave my life to Christ, it seemed not to want to get away, i gave my life to God over and over again, it seemed not to want to live, that was when i realized i had become an addict, and it was not just watching it alone. I never disired a woman, never lusted for any one around me, i never wanted to see any of the girls i knew naked or nude, but the addiction was still there, like chains around me. It limited me, i fought a civil war within me everyday, destroying any stash of porn i saw only to find myself hoping they were not totally distroyed
and desiring to watch them again. It was beginning to waste me, like cocain or any other drug of habit i was finding excuses for it. One funny one was i was learning (yeah right!!!!)
One day while watching it, i looked at the eyes of one of the stars, she was lying, she too was a slave, a sex slave tied to boundage of the fact that i was watching her, she lied because she might have not had much of a choice. that was when i knew i did not just ruin myself, i was the reason she didnt have much of a choice. i stopped the tape, asked God for mercy, that was when i really started to fight against this little foxes.
But still i could not do it alone i failed many times after that incident, st paul said something that to this day intriges me, i interprete it as this 'who can save me from myself, but for the lord Jesus? I will not deny that i still have urges today, or deny that sometimes i fall to them, if one person should be put to shame it should be me, but God has been merciful, so i try to use my own ungoing experience about this to help others.....
I have never been able to do it on my own, so i had to do the hardest thing, i dropped it in the hands of God......